When Feelings Fail and Faith Grows Up
The Making of True Joy
I have both tall and short days. On tall days my step is light, work clicks, and I experience an easier, more accessible hopefulness. Tall days are when I literally feel taller. I feel propelled from one thing to another. I’m carried—sharper, stronger, strangely capable. God’s providence seems obvious, the future open, my heart generous. I’m in the zone. It’s beyond being hyped up on caffeine. I soar.
Then come the short days. On those days gravity wins. My feet scrape the pavement. No amount of caffeine can break through. I just shuffle along trying to get to the day’s merciful end. Everything is heavy and hard and forced. Often, nothing in particular outside of me explains either kind of day. The weather inside just changes.
I love what tall days promise–who wouldn’t? Who doesn’t like a catchy upbeat tempo, an inspirational epic soundtrack, a motivating song that puts a lightness in your step and a sway to your swagger? Something that causes goosebumps and a flood of happy hormones that helps you see God, feel His presence, and propel you forth into the world with a strong faith and an experience you can remember and draw from.
Many of us have experienced these moments of conversion, transformation, and great propulsions in our faith that came about because of some sort of awakening, paradigm shift, or miraculous healing. It’s the spiritual equivalent of a tall day. But there comes a point—sooner or later—when the thrill fades. You wake up and realize the rush you once felt when you prayed, when you worshiped, when you first started chasing after God with your whole heart… it’s just not there anymore. You still believe. You still care. But now you’re tired. Distracted. Irritated. Maybe numb. Life is heavy, your prayers seem to land with a thud, and scrolling through other people’s social media highlights feels like watching a party through a window you weren’t invited to. You try harder—double down and hope for a spark. When the spark doesn’t come, a quieter question does: What’s wrong with me?
