Politeness Without Virtue Is a Lie: A Society Without God Is Just Barbaric
Arthur Brooks suggests we be more polite to the AI-powered phone agents we encounter on the phone. He’s addressing the rise of snark, rudeness, and general disdain and disrespect that has gripped modern society. I don’t think he’s completely off point, but I do think he’s mistaking better manners for a better heart. After all, you can perfect your tone and still despise people. Politeness and etiquette without virtue is a lie. I say raise the bar. Let’s not aim at just civility but at a conscience that loves the person in front of you. What you and I need is not just better behavior but a better heart—truthful, courageous, and ordered to another’s good.
Snark is cowardice. Snark hides behind wit to dodge responsibility. It builds a clever barricade so we can wound without admitting we meant to. Using snarky comments or sarcasm, especially when criticizing, often stems from a fear of direct confrontation or a reluctance to express one's true feelings openly. It works by creating a barrier of wit or derision, allowing the speaker to avoid taking full responsibility for their words or the potential fallout of a more direct statement. It's used because it can feel safer and less vulnerable than honest feedback, or as a way to subtly undermine someone without appearing overtly aggressive. However, it often leaves issues unresolved and can damage relationships by fostering resentment.
Superficial pleasantness or an overly agreeable demeanor can mask true feelings, intentions, or even manipulative motives. It works when someone presents a facade of "niceness" to avoid conflict, gain approval, or to hide ulterior motives. This can be done to avoid difficult conversations, to people-please, or to lull others into a false sense of security before revealing less pleasant truths or actions. The "why" behind it can range from a desire to maintain harmony at all costs to a calculated effort to deceive or exploit.
